Mastering Extremes !

Just the other day I was watching a serial where a family loses their male figure at a young age. The daughters are unable to cope with the trauma, feel lost and the mother instead of being able to express her grief is caught consoling the two. The episode was so moving it made me cry. Cry remembering the fear I had lived through everyday and the anguish I had gone through in my growing up years because both my parents are heart patients and had had heart attacks. I had felt like that duck who would be thrown into the pool of this big bad world without being taught how to swim or given anything to swim by. My only consolation was to somehow complete my education and be able to stand on my feet. That feeling had consummated me entirely during a particular phase of my life. Weird suggestion from friends and relatives of getting us married off, joining typing school and becoming a typist or a receptionist, and other very scary suggestions had given flame to this paranoia.I knew I didnt have the luxury to fail .

Today I have reached that stage that I can look back and say all my struggles are behind me. That the threshold that stands in front of me can only lead to better things and that life is good. By good I mean there is no longer the fear for survival. But this struggle and this journey has been one teacher and somewhere along the journey I learnt to master extremes – extremes of emotions being paramount.

As I reflected on this and other aspects of my childhood and growing up years I realized that I remembered nothing. No memory seemed to come back for 24 years of my life. As if someone had taken a slate and rubbed of every word from it. There was no pain, no negative emotions. How did I achieve this and when did I change so much? What lesson had life managed to teach me? When did I change to a woman for whom tears no longer existed or meant anything? It had been after a very long time that I had cried for myself. Today things may make me happy and things may make me sad, but I no longer crib for what I don’t have but rather smile for whatever I get. I no longer pity myself but look forward to brace any challenge for what I stand to learn from it. I cling to nothing but want to move on to the next incident in my life. I innovate everyday with what yesterday taught me.

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