Mastering Extremes !

Just the other day I was watching a serial where a family loses their male figure at a young age. The daughters are unable to cope with the trauma, feel lost and the mother instead of being able to express her grief is caught consoling the two. The episode was so moving it made me cry. Cry remembering the fear I had lived through everyday and the anguish I had gone through in my growing up years because both my parents are heart patients and had had heart attacks. I had felt like that duck who would be thrown into the pool of this big bad world without being taught how to swim or given anything to swim by. My only consolation was to somehow complete my education and be able to stand on my feet. That feeling had consummated me entirely during a particular phase of my life. Weird suggestion from friends and relatives of getting us married off, joining typing school and becoming a typist or a receptionist, and other very scary suggestions had given flame to this paranoia.I knew I didnt have the luxury to fail .

Today I have reached that stage that I can look back and say all my struggles are behind me. That the threshold that stands in front of me can only lead to better things and that life is good. By good I mean there is no longer the fear for survival. But this struggle and this journey has been one teacher and somewhere along the journey I learnt to master extremes – extremes of emotions being paramount.

As I reflected on this and other aspects of my childhood and growing up years I realized that I remembered nothing. No memory seemed to come back for 24 years of my life. As if someone had taken a slate and rubbed of every word from it. There was no pain, no negative emotions. How did I achieve this and when did I change so much? What lesson had life managed to teach me? When did I change to a woman for whom tears no longer existed or meant anything? It had been after a very long time that I had cried for myself. Today things may make me happy and things may make me sad, but I no longer crib for what I don’t have but rather smile for whatever I get. I no longer pity myself but look forward to brace any challenge for what I stand to learn from it. I cling to nothing but want to move on to the next incident in my life. I innovate everyday with what yesterday taught me.

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Judging are You ? - A Good Read

I found this article very interesting and worth a READ AND PONDERING OVER .

Why do people judge?

Why do people judge, why are people so interested in gossiping about others, in finding fault with others, in looking into others' loopholes and defects?

The mind tends to discuss the defects of others. It helps the ego to feel good. Everybody is such a sinner; when everybody is such a sinner, comparatively one feels like a saint. When everybody is doing wrong, it feels good that "At least I am not doing that much wrong."

Hence people talk about others' defects; not only do they talk about them, they go on magnifying them. That's why there is so much joy in gossiping. When the gossip passes from one hand to another hand, it becomes richer. And when it passes back again, something will be added to it. By the evening, if you come to know the gossip that you started in the morning, you will be surprised. In the morning it was just a molehill, now it is a mountain. People are very creative, really creative and inventive.

Why are people so interested in gossiping about others, in finding fault with others, in looking into others' loopholes and defects? Why are people continuously trying to look through others' keyholes? The reason is, this helps to give them a better feeling about themselves. They become Peeping Toms, just to have a good feeling, "I am far better." There is a motivation. It is not just to help others--it is not, whatsoever they say, notwithstanding what they say. The basic reason is, "If others are very ugly, then I am beautiful." They are following Albert Einstein's theory of relativity.

Atisha says: Don't ponder over others' defects, it is none of your business. Don't interfere in others' lives, it is none of your business.

But there are great moralists whose whole work is to see who is doing wrong. Their whole life is wasted; they are like police dogs sniffing here and there. Their whole life's work is to know who is doing wrong.

Atisha says: That is an ugly trait and a sheer wastage of time and energy. Not only is it a wastage but it strengthens and gratifies the ego. And an ego more gratified becomes more of a barrier.
And remember, it is not only a question of not discussing others' defects. Don't even be too much concerned about your own defects. Take note, be aware, and let the matter be settled then and there. There are a few other people who brag about their own defects....

It is suspected by psychologists that Saint Augustine's autobiography, his confessions, are not true. He bragged about his defects. He was not that bad a person. But man is really unbelievable. If you start bragging about your qualities, then too, you go to extremes. If you start bragging about sins, then too, you go to the extreme. But in both ways you do only one thing.

What Saint Augustine is doing is simple. By bragging about his defects and sins and all kinds of ugly things, he is preparing a context. Out of such a hell he rose and became a great saint. Now his saintliness looks far more significant than it would have looked if he had been simply a good person from the very beginning.

And the same is the case with Mahatma Gandhi in India. In his autobiography he simply exaggerates about his defects and goes on talking about them. It helps him in a very vicarious way. He was so low, he was in such a seventh hell, and from there he started rising and became a great mahatma, a great saint. The journey was very arduous. This is very ego-fulfilling.

Don't discuss others' defects, don't discuss your own defects. Take note, and that is that. Atisha says awareness is enough, nothing else is needed. If you are fully aware of anything, the fire of awareness burns it. There is no need for any other remedy.

Don't think about anything that concerns others And that's what you go on thinking. Ninety-nine percent of the things that you think about concern others. Drop them--drop them immediately!
Your life is short, and your life is slipping out of your fingers. Each moment you are less, each day you are less, and each day you are less alive and more dead! Each birthday is a death day; one more year is gone from your hands. Be a little more intelligent.
Do not think about anything that concerns others. Train first against the defilement that is greatest.

Gurdjieff used to say to his disciples--the first thing, the very very first thing, "Find out what your greatest characteristic is, your greatest undoing, your central characteristic of unconsciousness." Each one's is different.

Somebody is sex-obsessed. In a country like India, where for centuries sex has been repressed, that has become almost a universal characteristic; everybody is obsessed with sex. Somebody is obsessed with anger, and somebody else is obsessed with greed. You have to watch which is your basic obsession.

So first find the main characteristic upon which your whole ego edifice rests. And then be constantly aware of it, because it can exist only if you are unaware. It is burnt in the fire of awareness automatically.
And remember, remember always, that you are not to cultivate the opposite of it. Otherwise, what happens is a person becomes aware that "My obsession is anger, so what should I do? I should cultivate compassion." "My obsession is sex, so what should I do? I should practice brahmacharya, celibacy."

People move from one thing to the opposite. That is not the way of transformation. It is the same pendulum, moving from left to right, from right to left. And that's how your life has been moving for centuries; it is the same pendulum.

The pendulum has to be stopped in the middle. And that's the miracle of awareness. Just be aware that "This is my chief pitfall, this is the place where I stumble again and again, this is the root of my unconsciousness." Don't try to cultivate the opposite of it, but pour your whole awareness into it. Create a great bonfire of awareness, and it will be burned. And then the pendulum stops in the middle.

And with the stopping of the pendulum, time stops. You suddenly enter into the world of timelessness, deathlessness, eternity.

The Book of Wisdom, Chapter 9

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Copying or Using the content without permission is punishable and offenders will be liable for prosecution.